RANT!!!

i will rant about 3 things in this post.

1. Taxi drivers who deny passengers if their destination is not en route home (ESP WHEN IT'S RAINING) The Dept. of Transportation should remove their permit to operate if they keep doing so. If they're going to be picky about their passengers they might as well go to hell. They're only adding up to traffic, wasting gas and adding up to the already congested number of stupid motorists. To think you pay a flag down fee of 30 pesos to take you somewhere where they're already going anyway. PI nyo nalang.

2. Drivers who don't respect pedestrian lanes. PI nyo rin ang bobobo nyo.

3. Traffic enforcers that ignore the stupid actions of #2 and other violators of traffic rules. PI! The government would be more efficient with putting up posts and hanging a 'Traffic Enforcer' sign on it. Hell even if they dressed these posts up in uniform sewn with the finest linen they'd still be relatively saving more.

grrrrr!!

to the “rich” bastards with big cars who think they own the road here’s a big [insert gesture here]  i mean please! you’re really asking for it! for me, a wreckless driver who enjoys making pedestrians target practice for their big cars are making a statement, the

“look-at-me-i-don’t-have-a-[insert 4 letter word for male genitalia here]-so-i-bought-myself-a-big-car-with-my-mommy’s-money-and-am-
driving-it-around-so-everyone-can-see-it-and-won’t-notice-the-absence
-of-my-weenie”

kind of a statement.

…

…

And how can you be honest with someone if he doesn’t even give you the chance to do so? Making assumptions about things, not even bothering to find out whether the assumptions are true. As much as you’d like him to see the light, you can’t, because he’s content with what he thinks he knows, even if it hurts him.

It makes me wonder about myself. I know I’ve been that way myself before. And up until now, I still don’t know whether the assumptions I made were true. Sometimes the thought still bothers me. When I think about them, I wonder whether I should have asked and listened to the explanation. It ruined a great thing but at that time, I was almost a hundred percent sure I was right.

I was with my second boyfriend, my high school days, insanely insecure. Though at that age I thought I knew it all and I thought I could handle everything. I remember being proud of myself because I felt I knew more than what was expected from girls my age. Now that I think about it, that was a pretty stupid assumption. Anyway, my boyfriend had this female “best friend”. And me being insanely insecure always thought there was something up with them. (I find it much easier to write about these things now that it seems like decades ago, but at that time, these were the issues that rocked my world.. as Badit would say, “haaay gogma!” hehe hi dit! :p) Well at that time, I knew that before he, um, can I call it courted?? Me, he liked this girl. We were a barkada even back then and I was there when he was making comments about how she looked like Rachel Leigh Cook (haha I remember that :p) to the times when us friends would tease him about her and all that. Of course at that time I wasn’t in love with him. I was infatuated about this other guy for well about 4 years already and we never even spoke.. oh wait, there was a time at school fair when one of my barkada just couldn’t take it anymore, she set us up at the marriage booth and we held hands for about 20 minutes while talking and as consequence, he had to carry me for 5 seconds. And even after that, we never talked (until waaay later when I finally got over the infatuation). ANYWAY, that was beside the point hehe memories are just so intertwined that when you start reminiscing about one thing others just come popping up.

Well anyway, can’t remember how it started but eventually Dave and I got together. It shocked some people, I guess they couldn’t imagine how two people from the same barkada could end up being together (I didn’t either). But things happened and I just went along with it. It was a happy relationship except for the jealous fits I used to have because he was the kind of guy who I perceived to be getting too close with his other girl friends ( there were even times when I got jealous of the other girls in the barkada haha funny! ). But I was especially jealous about this one girl, (yes, the one that looked like Rachel Leigh) because they started becoming really close. He even said he was her bestfriend and vice versa. And of course here I was, trying to act all mature about it, pretended to be okay with it, no questions asked, even if deep down inside I just wanted to scream.

One time, i remember being a nosy girl and reading the messages on his cellphone ( sorry!! Peace!! ) and one of the messages saved said “I love you” or something to that effect. I remember there was something distinct about the message that made me realize that it was not from me. For the longest time now, I’ve always had what I’d like to think of as intuition (though lately I’ve been wondering whether this is really intuition or just an over analytical imagination). With that one message, I began being on my guard about everything he did. I remember one time, the sister of his best friend (who happened to be my classmate) invited me to her home for her grad party. I didn’t know that his best friend invited him too. So I mentioned to dave that I was going. I guess he was shocked I was going too saying he didn’t know I was going to go. Then he said he’s not sure whether he was going to go anymore. That reaction led me to think soooooo many things. I remember calling over Fonzy and Karen over to my home and telling them of my suspicions. That maybe he was planning to go there all along and when he found out I was going to go he said he wouldn’t anymore, either so I wouldn’t go so he could go, or if I still would go, he won’t anymore since he wouldn’t be able to spend much time with her if I was there. I know what you’re thinking, that I was being childish. HEY I WAS 16 YEARS OLD!! Well eventually, after some rough waters, things became okay.. and then not so okay… till we eventually broke up… we ended up not talking for about a year… but eventually, we became good friends again.. time does heal ALL wounds. But after all that, we NEVER talked about the suspicions that I had. I never asked him to confirm or deny which is why till now, I still don’t know the truth. And sometimes, I wonder, if I had done it differently, If I had asked, if we had talked about it, whether things would have turned out differently. Because after that incident, I never stopped being suspicious about his actions, which probably made an impact on the relationship also since I was not able to trust him anymore. And every little issue, which probably was nothing, had a negative connotation to me. Maybe I destroyed that relationship with my “intuitions” but then again, maybe all my suspicions were true! Only Dave can answer that now :p but I guess either way it goes, i don’t have any regrets.. if I made the mistake, I learn now not to trust everything I feel and learn to ask and clarify things. but if it went the other way, I learn that people change. I know dave’s good person now and if anything, I think our friendship has just become better, although lately we haven’t been able to communicate except through ym. But I know he’ll always be there when I need him, just like the rest of my barkada. Good friends are hard to find. I’m glad I found all of mine.

vvv

Don’t you just hate it when people try to play mind games with you? And don’t you just hate it more when they think they’re actually fooling you and treat you like a total idiot? And don’t you just hate it most when they tell you with a straight face that they’re not bullshitting you and become angry because you don’t trust them? sometimes, I get really irritated because I hate absence of trust in a friendship. I find it funny that some people have to lie to their own friends. It’s just absolutely sad. Your friends are supposed to be the people in whom you have confidence not to judge you. I don’t know, maybe I just deal with my friends differently from other people. How do I deal with my friends? What are my friends like? How do I choose them? Well, usually I’m not very picky with people. I’m the type of person who can sit at a table full of mutual strangers and start a conversation.And when I start making friends, I always try to box their personality and traits in so that I know how to handle them and what type of conversation I can have with them, etc. But there are just some people who refuse to be honest with you. How can you be a good friend to someone who can’t be honest in their ways and actions with you? How?!

hmmm…

Funny I almost blew my top off conversing with a friend last night. I guess that’s why communication is such a complicated thing. I guess if experience has taught me one thing, it’s that different kinds of people deal with different kinds of things differently. And it takes immense patience and willingness to understand a person and keep a conversation from becoming an argument. Most of the time, you’re tempted to just let go of control and lash out your thoughts on someone; But in the end of it all, we realize that it doesn’t do any good to the situation. There’s always a better way to make our feelings known, there’s always a kinder phrase to express certain things. The end of a conversation, or let’s be more specific, an argument, will all depend on the end goals of the people involved in the argument.

How not to get into an argument with someone? Maturity, from both sides, and communication, clear and concise.

tell me a story

It’s frustrating when you know the truth and some people are just so stubborn to admit it. I’ve been in so many conflicts where I felt I know exactly what has happened and I would so love it if everybody just admitted the truth so things could get fixed. If I were ever caught in a fix, i’d choose to surrender to the truth. That way I’m sure I wouldn’t go wrong. I guess not everyone has the same ideals. It might be because they think they can fix things as long as they’re consistent with their stor.. or maybe it’s cause of pride.. a few years ago, I was in an argument with someone close to my heart. And we were talking about a certain issue and well it was clear to me at that time that he was telling me a story. Have you ever been in an argument where you know that the other person is feeding you with lies? Aside from being frustrating, it’s amusing to watch the story grow more and more with ever wrong turn his lies take him to. What’s more amazing is his ability to conjure up a final story so convincing that if that’s what he presented you at the start, you know you could have easily been fooled. Well’ I’ve met a lot of people like that. All I can say is, I’m amazed at the talents of the people who can actually do that. It makes you think about what wonders the human mind can actually achieve.

“LECHE! KNG GUSTO MONG MAGPAKAMATAY, WAG MO KAMING I DAMAY!!”

i wanted to scream at this girl who sat beside the driver of the jeep i was riding as she puffed her cigarette. Perhaps if i wasn’t feeling so bad with my cough and colds and all that’s what i would have done.

If there’s one vice i hate the most it’s smoking. My friend got it right when he said that smokers are selfish killers if they smoke around other people cause they’re not only killing themselves but dragging other people into their suicide as well. Heck if they wanna kill themselves while walking the city, they better bring with them a plastic bag where they can exhale and inhale all that smoke they’re putting out, since they enjoy it so much. the smell of smoke gives me a headache. now i’m pissed. what a way to start the day. *cough cough*